But it’s not my fault

 

There are 39000 (yes thirty nine thousand) books on Amazon alone that use the words ‘secrets of success’.  Whoa!

 

This when there are no secrets. None.

 

People who look for secrets are the one’s essentially looking for shortcuts. People who look for shortcuts are essentially escaping reality because they don’t know how to confront it.

 

There are 1800 books on ‘secrets of leadership’. How about instead getting in front of people and giving them something worth following?

 

There are 900 books on ‘secrets of customer service’. How about just learning to be nice?

 

There are 700 books on ‘secrets of sales’.  How about taking the risk of rejection and ‘asking’?

 

There are no secrets.

 

The real solutions are simple. Very simple.

 

The simple solutions mean you make a simple change. However simple isn’t necessarily easy because you wont have a book to blame once the results come in.

 

Not so long ago, a couple of years back, Indians were gripped by the panic of recession. I call it panic because I still don’t have reasons to believe that India actually faced recession. On one of those nights, I think on the day when AIG employees were let off, one of the news channels were speaking to employees who just lost their jobs. 

 

As these people were getting out of the building the reporter asked one of them about how he was doing. He responded angrily and screaming, “I hate Mumbai. I just shifted here a year back and something’s always going wrong in this city. The migrants are ill-treated, the government doesn’t bother about basic amenities, housing is crappy and now this. The companies don’t care a damn about their people. It is disgusting. Am never coming back.”

 

Then the reporter miscellaneously picked on another man and asked the same question. This employee was all smiles. He replied,” I am a little sad. A bit worried about how I’ll manage the immediate future.  Though I believe for a few of us this is a blessing in disguise. We didn’t enjoy our job. Didn’t have the guts to quit. Now it’s done. I look forward to now spending my time on building something I would love.  May be get back to writing, or find ways to start a small little café. Lets see.”

 

I am writing this article today to pass on a very simple formula to you.

 

r + r = R

(reality + response = Results)

 

Every result that we may experience in life (success or failure, health or sickness, joy or frustration, love or rejection) is an outcome of responding to an earlier reality.

 

Take the above example of the reporter questioning the two men. The reality faced by both is the same. Their responses will decide their future.

 

Whenever we are confronted by a result we didn’t want or we don’t like – there are two basis reactions (or responses) we get into: We either blame or We complain.

 

We can blame the reality. Yes we can. You can blame it on the economy. Lack of money, lack of education, gender bias, racism, the government policies, the market scenarios, the recruitment process, the team, the people who didn’t help you, on others who never do their job, the parents, the teachers, the system and so on and on.

 

No doubt these factors exist. Yes. They are the reality. No disputing that. However if these factors were to determine success then no one would succeed.

 

It is not these factors that limit you or produce your undesired results – it is you. And till you realize this basic fact, the results that you are really after will never appear.

 

Whatever the reality – it is you who thought the thoughts, took the decisions, felt a certain way and made choices that got you the results or will get you the results from here on.

 

The current results are simply a reflection of the way you handled past reality.

 

It was you who responded.

 

You ate junk food.

You refused to wake up to the alarm in the morning.

You chose sleep over a jog.

You took this job.

You are staying in this job.

You chose to believe them.

You ignored your gut feel.

You let go off your dreams.

You took the loan.

You estranged your relationships.

You chose to not discuss problems.

You trusted.

You didn’t say ‘NO’

You refused to learn.

You refused to read.

You make your drinks.

You light your cigarettes.

You pay by your credit card.

You hired the wrong person.

You kept shut when you shouldn’t have.

You were ok to be ill treated.

 

In simple words, it is You You YOU. You thought your thoughts, felt a certain way and made your decision and that why you got the results you get. It is your response to a reality created by you that gives you your results. Period.

 

We can go on complaining in life about getting a raw deal. But if complaining is your response to a reality then now you don’t need me to tell you the result you should expect.

 

There is a truth about ‘complaining’ though that I’d like you to be aware of - If we didn't believe something better was possible we wouldn't complain.  You complain because you have a reference point that is a better reality. If you didn’t think something better was possible – for example a better boss, a better job, a better house, a better car, better profits, better and more loving partner – you wouldn’t be complaining.

 

So complaining is a sign that something better is possible BUT we choose to complain when we are unwilling to take risks to create the reality we want. Simple. Creating is a risk. It requires you to change and you run the risk of being alone, ridiculed, judged, wronged, disapproved….. It will be uncomfortable and hence complaining is the easier route.

 

There is another truth to this – we complain only about things we can change.

 

Have you ever heard a pilot complain about gravity even though it may mean a plane wouldn’t crash?

 

We don’t complain about not growing mangoes in winters.

 

We don’t complain about Earth having only one Moon and one Sun.

 

We don’t complain about the depth of our oceans.

 

We don’t complain about the time it takes to grow rice.

 

You see we do not complain about things we cannot change. Thus the very fact that we are complaining or blaming means these are the things we can and want to change – but might have chosen not to.

 

You can find a more loving partner, work on your health, change your job, get rid of the house and the loan, have more money – BUT these would require change or different responses to the reality.

 

Be aware its no one else’s fault that you are where you are. You chose to respond in a certain way, every time and hence created your results and continue to do so.

 

There are alternatives to the earlier list

 

You can learn to cook healthy food

Say no to things you don’t want.

Quit your job and find a better one.

You can start walking at least thrice a week.

You can throw away your credit cards.

You can trust your gut.

You can join a school to pursue your dreams again.

You can ask others to assist or help you.

You can get a coach to help you change.

You can learn through reading.

You can seek help for your drinking and or smoking.

 

 

There aren’t any secrets. Its all possible. And its very simple. But as I wrote earlier Simple isn’t necessarily the easiest thing to do. And that is because the simplistic way mentioned here transfers 100% of the responsibility on to you. It becomes yours. The risks become yours and only yours. The result becomes yours too (that it always was even if you don’t own it or realize it).

 

If you want to get to where you want to be, If you want to change the results you want out of life, you will have to take the risks of choosing your responses.

 

Your results don’t lie. If you are below your targets or you are overweight, happy or unhappy in your relationships– all the great reasons combined together in the world wouldn’t change that reality even for a second.

 

So give up on your excuses. Stop complaining and stop blaming. You want the result, you choose the response. Don’t kid yourself.

 

Yours,

Chetan