You Deserve To Be Happy

In the words of Aristotle, “Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.”

By that definition, the only measure or how well we are living our lives would and should be happiness. How do you measure happiness? Can it be measured? I don’t know but you will know it for you. Happiness is a feeling. You will know it when you feel it. If you feel it constantly and more often than not, then you’re on track.

There is one very sweet reality about happiness – it doesn’t exist in the past, it doesn’t exist in future – you feel it when you feel it – you must feel it now for happiness exists in NOW, the present.

The original book Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller was published in 1949. The story is about a negative guy named Willy Loman who refused to change his ways as society grew and changed their ways. He claimed that he is happy standing and believing in what he does, in his ways. He eventually died, a broke and broken man. And so will you if you fail to recognize what’s happening.

Willy wasn’t a happy man. The emotions he felt were anger, frustration and dejection, not happiness. What emotions do you feel at different times during the day?

Here are few things about happiness that might propel you towards it:

You are unique:

Unfortunately in the modern world we have made happiness to be relative. We measure ourselves in comparison to what others (friends, peers, family, colleagues) have or will achieve. In constant seeking (which is futuristic) we associate ourselves with feelings of not having achieved it. This feeling isn’t happy for sure.

If all the six billion people on earth were given a plate and asked to fill it with whatever makes them happy, each plate will look different from any other. You are unique - your happiness isn’t in emulating or striving for what another can do or not – your plate is different. How can you then find happiness in achieving another’s plate? You can’t.

“You were born an original.  Don't die a copy.”  ~John Mason.

Be yourself – find out what do YOU want on your plate – that is not relative or does not exist because of comparison.

What is your self-esteem?

Happiness neither is nor is it measured by the square footage of your home, the size of your car, the designation of your visiting card, the weight of your body, the brand of your shirt or the amount on your pay slip. All these are aspirations and I am not suggesting you shouldn’t have them. Though look within and ask yourself a question – do these things make you feel more worthy? Probably yes they do. If they do, which in most case will be true then they aren’t going to bring any sustainable happiness. The reason is that the real problem lies in your self-worth. If you can’t find happiness in who you are right now then there is no way that this person can deliver you happiness through things that he or she will buy.

Self-esteem, the feeling of liking and respecting yourself, is the foundation principle of happiness. It is vital for you to feel fully loved by you.

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” ~ Budha

Joy is Unbounded

There are no limits to happiness. It is now. It is constant. It is a feeling of fulfillment in the present. Once your self worth allows you to like or respect yourself, to be loved and once you feel that you really, truly deserve to be happy – the more deserving you will automatically feel of the good things in life. These good things then will be a result of happiness and not the other way round. It is never the other way round.

The more deserving you feel, the more likely you are to fill your plate with what you want and the more likely you are to not only attain it but also hold on to it.

“Intelligence is the only unlimited natural resource” ~ anonymous

Sense of Humor

Just yesterday on my way back from a workshop, we had stopped at an exhibition of antique stuff on the highway. We were at a certain stall. There was an old man besides us at the same place. He must be at least 70. The hostess at the stall accidentally dropped a heavy brass elephant on the old man’s foot. It wasn’t pretty. It must’ve hurt like hell, if not a broken foot. After a loud shriek, the old man looked up at the woman, laughed and said, “how many people can go home and tell a story that an elephant stepped on their foot today?” He continued laughing and with his infectious laugh, laughed everyone present at the stall.

There are a few lessons here. Happy people see setbacks as temporary. They see an unfortunate event as something that is limited in time and has no real impact on the future. They have a bloody good sense of humor with negative events.

And most important lesson – they don’t make others feel bad even though the other might be at complete fault. They don’t take things personally.

One last word on the incident – We accompanied this old man to the nearest hospital. He had three fractures on this left foot.  !!!

“You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humor teaches them tolerance.” ~ William Somerset Maugham

How do you measure life?

You take decisions everyday. Plenty of them. These could be deciding to go home late. Deciding to take ‘all hell’ from your boss or colleagues. Deciding to or not to exercise. Deciding to or not to do things that may bring happiness. Deciding to criticize, judge or express frustration against situations, life, people, governments, policies, practices, company, home, parent, spouse, family etc.

Please take time to compare every decision or action of yours against just one measure. The measure called happiness. Do these actions make you happy or unhappy.

Can you abandon the unhappy ones?

Do you yet realize that all of the problems you currently face in life are a result of choices you made that do not contribute to your happiness?

“Paradise is where I am” ~ Voltaire

Look afar

The setbacks that you face are temporary.

The negative events, people, conditions that you may face are absolutely irrelevant to your future unless you want otherwise.

No event is an indicator of your ability and competence. It’s just an event.

Resolve to think like a happy person, no matter what. You can always control your reactions, even though not the event. Laugh out loud ‘coz failure too is just an event not a person.

A proverb states ~ “What can’t be cured must be endured” – might as well do it happily.

yours,

Chetan Walia