The Tragedy called ‘Human Being’ 

Let me start by making an allegation. The allegation is this – you are where you are and what you are, your problems (the biggest one) are what they are and they are yours because of one reason. You might be seeking happiness, health, wealth, relationships, respect, fame, fortune, material or non-material goals, spirituality – anything – you don’t have what you want because of one reason. You might not have the ideal life, the ideal job, the ideal salary, the ideal home, the ideal spouse, the ideal health, the ideal body, the ideal thinking, the ideal vision, the ideal success, the ideal love, the ideal anything that you want because of one reason. 

The reason is this. You don’t love yourself. 

I know exactly what some of you might be thinking. Mostly dismissing the thought at its appearance. The first time I thought of this – I did too. It is sad because this one distinction, just one can propel infinite breakthroughs, yet it is so shockingly simple in appearance that it becomes convenient to ignore and that is a great tragedy. 

Let me ask you a question. Do you have a racehorse worth in excess of a million dollars? The answer obviously is a no. 

Let me ask you another question – if you did have a horse worth a million dollars would you let him stay up half the night, drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, eat junk food, booze every day, do something he detests, keep ill health, be ill tempered and overwork himself to exhaustion?  

Would you? 

What about 10-dollar dog or a 5-dollar cat? You wouldn’t mind them doing all these things? Would you? 

Who are you treating yourself like – a million dollar precious racehorse or a 10 dollar dog?  

I have observed over the years that the most excited people are the one’s who are growing. People stay where they grow. This is relevant to almost any area of life – careers, marriages, cities, countries, anything. It is exciting because it raises our levels of self-esteem. 

We are all working and are part of growing companies or economies and countries. 

We might all be growing and excited about that. Does it necessarily make us the happiest people as well?  

A very close friend of mine, someone who is a great admirer of my work, few years ago made a statement that I suddenly understood today. At the time, I was sharing with her my successes and achievements. I was kind of expecting a nice morale boosting response. When I was done, she just looked up and said, “So. What’s the big deal? You are doing better than a few people you know, so?”  

I really never understood that. At the time I even dismissed it as jealousy.   

However, think about it. Anything you have done or are doing or will do in life, whoever you are and whatever you do – is at best – mediocre. Some of you might be thinking that you are presidents, ceos, partners and what not driving the best of cars and living in the best of homes on your way to great things – obviously not mediocre, right? Of course you are doing well and I know some of you have the highest of positions and wealth – however doing well is relative to those you are surrounded by, that’s all.  

It suddenly flashed. While I was thinking of writing this article, my friend’s words suddenly popped up and I understood a great lesson. The real measure of success is not growth because growth will always be relative. The real measure will always be what you do versus what you could have done.  

Ask a hundred people a question – ‘Could you have done more?’ and you will get a hundred ‘yes’ replies. Ask then why they didn’t and you will get a hundred vague replies. 

My simple reply is a tragic one – you don’t love yourself AT ALL. 

By saying this I don’t mean you hate yourself. You don’t have to hate yourself to not love and deny yourself an ideal life – you just have to be indifferent to not love. 

"The opposite of Love is not Hate. It is indifference" Elie Wiesel 

We largely are indifferent towards everything. Leave alone ourselves. Lets look at a few events around us. The Bhopal gas leak, ’84 riots, Ayodhya, Godhra, Kashmir or even the Commonwealth Games – barring a few of us who were actually affected by the tragedies the majority of us are largely indifferent towards them. At best our contribution is criticism in different forums, that too limited to booze parties or coffee gatherings.  

How wise is it to give the criticism all the energy? If you kept criticizing a child. If you kept telling her things that she would hate herself for, what would the child do? Perhaps destruct the one she hates. If you keep giving countrymen reasons on why they should hate their country, what would they do?? 

Yes you might say –  What can I do? The answer might as well be nothing. But if you can do nothing and will do nothing then what on Earth gives you the right to criticize? If you don’t have anything positive to contribute what gives you the right to contribute in a critiquing manner.  

Nothing does, yet why do we do that?  

Our inability to do nothing as in the cases mentioned above brings out in us something called compensating behaviors. Compensating behaviors are just this – a behavior to cover up or to compensate for an actual action. So the banter around the issues makes us feel worthy or at least more worthy than a few others who are the cause of the issues. Again relative but then so what – our entire life is built on being one step ahead on the mediocrity ladder. 

You see next time you find yourself criticizing anything at all – any issue, person, event, colleague – please remember this – in the millions and millions of years or Earth’s existence – not one –  NOT ONE statue has been erected to honor a critique. That’s how the world views the worth of their contribution. 

Any area of life has a possibility lying in it at anytime. It can be relationships, health, career or wealth.  No one wants to be indifferent to these, yet all of us at some level are.  Our compensating behaviors allow us to be and thus we never realize. If forms a vicious circle, a trap. 

Lets take an example. Lets take health as one. In some way or the other this applies to everyone. You might be thinking of beginning to exercise (forever) or quitting a habit, say smoking or you might be a drinker (socially as everyone refers to it).  

Lets examine the person in any of these issues –  Want to exercise, join a gym, learn swimming etc etc - been thinking about it for a long time but not been able to. Possible reasons – no time, cant wake up at six. Why? – too much work or too many other responsibilities like home, child, school, wife, husband that eat up the time.  

Not something you would dare treat a million dollar racehorse like, would you? 

You see all these are compensating behaviors. Real reason you are just plain lazy. However in your mind through working late hours (again a cause of laziness) you have justified inability.  

You largely remain indifferent, thus, to the real outcome that might be great health, a non-smoker or any other goal.  Compensating behaviors justify it and they work. Working late hours and actually producing some breakthrough work or an idea at midnight might actually get you a promotion. You would feel good. Very good. And also feel that this is the way. Health can wait. You will be excited. It’s growth. Relative growth but growth.  

This indifference exists in all goals – it could be a career you are seeking or a business you always wanted to start but didn’t – why? –  security of a pay cheque – compensating behavior will probably be a lecture you give to the world on risk taking or management or perhaps living a fulfilled life.  Thus inability covered with compensating behavior = indifference. However the lecture did raise you a step in the ladder of mediocrity as did the promotion.  

If you truly, really loved yourself and treated yourself as a million dollar racehorse - 

Would you be indifferent?  

Would you then deny yourself – health?  

Would you then shorten your life by 14 minutes every time you light a cigarette?  

Would you tolerate a bad relationship? Would you drink knowing that just 15 ounces a day increases the chances of a stroke by seven times?  

Would you deny yourself what you really want to do knowing that you just have half a life left? 

Would you be contended by just mere criticizing? 

My assumption is that the answers to all these questions would be a NO. Why then do we treat ourselves like a ten dollar dog? Perhaps the only plausible conclusion is really that we do not love ourselves enough.  

That is really sad because if we were in a moment of decision able to shift focus to a simple question, “What will I do if I operated from love?”  then the breakthrough will appear right there. It will appear because breakthroughs are not about being indifferent. They are just about making a difference. 

We chose, knowingly or unknowingly to be in the zone of indifference. Indifference to ourselves, to our goals, to our lives, to our health, careers, relationships, to our companies and even to our country. It is indeed a tragedy. A tragedy called the human being, who could have had anything he wanted if he loved himself but he became indifferent.

yours

Chetan Walia