Crack the Conformity
Crack the Conformity
Conformity (in dictionary): behavior in accordance with socially accepted conventions or standards
There is a very popular Harvard experiment started in the 50’s spanning about ten years from then on. It was very decisive in its conclusions and much relevant to us today.
Harvard decided to do this experiment with people with very high IQ levels and possibly very high egos. Thus they chose the best of the best PhDs. The experiment was done with many groups of people. Each group about 10-15 in size. Each group also had Harvard’s own collaborators that is a couple of people who will help the experiment.
Two sheets of paper were shown to the group. First sheet had three bars – each very different in height. The other sheet had one bar, matching one of the bars in the other sheet. It was very evident as to which one it matches. Unless one was blind, it should take a millisecond to answer. The sheets were shown to the crowd and the question was then asked – which bar does it match – left, middle or right?
The collaborators to the experiment were asked first and already briefed to answer incorrectly. The three collaborators gave the same incorrect answer first up. Then the rest of the group was asked.
In 90% of the cases, the person was saying the wrong answer to conform with the group. Ninety Percent. These are big IQ people.
This issue of conformity started tingling my mind at a recent meeting. The meeting was represented by very senior people of a group I consult with. A subject was under discussion. A subject was under discussion. One of the members of the group, the senior most, stated his position on the subject. His position was one of the most conventional, in line with the long history of the company and very acceptable.
I can tell you that at least 7 of the 10 people sitting there, me included had a very different opinion, which we realized during tea breaks. Yet we all conformed. Why do we do that? Why didn’t anyone stand up and say – “this is not the right way, I have the right way and here it is” - why?
This though is the story of all boardrooms I have attended. The story of the highest IQ, big EGO people. As also the story of the rest of us as we aspire to be in their shoes one day.
Its all around us. Take a very pertinent question – how to make a fortune? The way I have been brought up I have been told by my parents, teachers that the way to do it is cent plus a cent plus a cent and gradually it will build to something. “Rome was not built overnight.” My guess is most people are brought up that way. Though, NO Breakthrough has ever occurred this way. Breakthroughs occur when you break the pattern, challenge the status quo or crack the conformity.
All of us are what we are and where we are because of what has gone into our mind. From the day you open your eyes to the day you will open them no more, you are taught and later you will teach those around you to behave appropriately – to behave in a manner that does not cause embarrassment – to behave according to the situation – to behave in a socially acceptable manner – to conform.
A child who is vehemently arguing a point of view with elders will be told to not argue with older people. A child who is jumping around all over the place will be told to sit down, it doesn’t look nice. A child who is questioning too much in school will be found standing out of the class. A child who is absolutely marvelous at four years of age will be turned into a perfect conformist to society – a gentleman, a lady by the time she is twenty. We have an unbeatable process for this achievement.
I am not blaming the parents and teachers here. They do a fabulous job. In their minds they prepare us for the real world. The real world is tough and we are all ready to survive by the time we are out of colleges. However, I do think that the parents and teachers need to have a higher goal, a different goal – it is not to prepare children to survive, it is to get the kid ready to upgrade the world.
Earlier this month I was supposed to do a sales workshop for a client. My office booked my tickets, asked the client to arrange a pick up from the airport and I landed in Chennai. I realized then that I am 800kms away from the actual venue for the program. It is in Hyderabad and I am at the wrong place. Now I am not in Chennai because that is where I wanted to be. I was tired and sleepy and recovering from the last ten days of travel. I wanted to be in bed. I was there because in my mind that is where I was told that the workshop is.
The thing is this – you could be in debt or be broke or not doing what you really want to do or having trouble in getting along with people or stuck with the wrong person – if you are having difficulty of one kind or another – I honestly do not believe that you are there because that is where you want to be. You are probably there because over a period of time you have heard, listened to and followed the wrong direction. You didn’t follow the wrong direction intentionally. Someone told you that that is the way. That’s how it is done. That is right for you. This is how it works in the real world. That someone had more wisdom and experience. Been there, done that. That someone did it out of absolute love and care – so it’s really not your fault.
Don’t get comfortable with that thought. That someone might have had a hand in where you are but where you go from here is entirely up to you.
I am going to make a compelling statement, something I have thought about in-depth – that wherever you are facing difficulty in life or, wherever you are facing unhappiness, the history of it or the cause of it will be traced in ‘conformity’ to a norm. Guaranteed 100% of the time. This is equally true for you as a company, a organization, any entity. It is possible that conformity also simplifies a few things. One doesn’t have to reinvent every day in life but be aware that it also marginalizes ‘you’.
Everyone has a reason for where they are. As an organization you might have made some mistakes – hiring or investments so you are where you are. Or as individuals - You need money so you put up with a current reality. You have a family to look after so you can no longer take the plunge. You made a wrong choice of subjects in college so now you are stuck. How will I handle the gestation period? The monthly cheque – where will that come from? Too late to shift now. ‘If only…..’. My response to all that is SO WHAT? What are you fearing?
One of the biggest reasons for people to keep conforming is that it’s a known devil. You really don’t know what will come about if you were to crack it. Of course fear is a big motivator so we keep in the zone. Yes it’s not failure that is stopping you, the fear of failure most certainly does.
I have an interesting incident to narrate to make this final point.
Last month we were on a family holiday on the outskirts of Kolkata. In our room, my 5 year old nephew, at the time suffering from a bronchial attack was jumping around all over the place. Obviously because of his health we were all trying to sop him but in complete vain. He then found a nice spot on top of a high rack. He would jump from the rack on to the sofa and the spring would leap him up and he would then land on the ground. It looked very graceful. It was quite a jump. The rack was more twice his height. It was scary. My four year daughter was watching this. She was quite amazed and didn’t have the guts to try it herself. Very innocently she popped the question, “how is he able to do that?” and prompt came the reply from Tarsh, my nephew, “because I am not scared.”
Isn’t that profound?
We were stopping him because we feared his failure. My daughter stopped herself because she feared hers’. The kid carried on because he didn’t care.
You only have one life. Please understand that you are the only person who can use your potential and isn’t that the most awesome responsibility ever? Are you going to follow these rules and have life pass you by or are you going to really crack the conformity and for once – LIVE.
What will really happen if you were to break the conformity and go for it? I can tell you from experience that there will be a lot of discomfort and a lot of social judgments passed on you. You will be dismissed as an idiot, uncaring, unconcerned, selfish being. People might call you everyday and urge you to revert. There will be a lot of undue emotional pressure to conform again. When you’ll be failing they will say that we told you so. You will not find support at all. From no one. All this will happen not one by one but all together. And when all of this happens, only then it is that you know you are on the right path. It will happen for six months, a year, may be more – so what? Its just a year and its really beautiful after that. Even in the Harvard experiment they found that once a person broke the conformity that is gave the right answer, the rest backed her and broke the pattern.
You see behavior in accordance with socially accepted conventions or standards is a sure shot way of a breakthrough-less life. Crack the conformity and you have a chance at living from freedom. Abide by it and you shall continuously live in compulsion.
Einstein said it takes eleven corrective inputs to change one incorrect input in the brain. I hope I have delivered the first one. Don’t wait for the other ten. Crack this conformity too. Go ACT.
Yours,
Chetan Walia
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